mess

kita akan kelihatan mess bila hilang kawal.

hilang kawalan untuk mengawal keadaan, cara kita berfikir dan kendalikan situasi. kerja, hidup, berkawan, mahupun apa2 disekeliling. terima kasih kepada yang teringat dekat aku walaupun sekadar sekelip mata, ataupun waktu yg lebih pendek dari itu. yang sentiasa ingat apatah lagi.

ada beberapa kekecewaan dalam seminggu ni.

mungkin sebab emosi aku. mungkin sebab keletihan (seperti kata #jiran40pintu). bila dia bertukar menjadi seorang academician, aku akur semua benda dia cakap atau tulis. bila dia menjadi seorang #jiran40pintu, he looks like so caring and lovely. huhu. how cant i dont fall to him (and dont ask me what and when and how this 'fall' would be).

aku rasa aku nk period. tgk dia bersembang dengan 'orang lain' aku mcm slowly undur and turn myself to others. jeles mungkin, atau apakah. sampai dia tanya ok ke tak? hahaha.. teruk betul emo.

semoga kejadian lagi 3 bulan ke hadapan ni elok2 saja.

2020 changes my life 360. and of course i miss ma, a lot.

semoga Allah ampunkan dosa2 ma, cucuri rahmat ke atas rohnya, tempatkan dia di syurga.

amin..

pelangi petang

last two weeks memang hari yang menyemakkan kepala dengan masalah orang lain.
dan juga masalah kerja-pencapaian etc. i was so nerve sbb KPI tak capai. life seems so miserable.
time tu plak pandai gi set time nak jumpa kan, memang aku hampir terbanjir depan dia lah kan.
esoknya tu dia datang bawak bubur ke rumah. melting kejap sis.
tapi terserempak plak ngan abang. huk aloh, memang gempar sekejap hati sis.

kerap plak jumpa lately.
aku tau dia bz, and still making effort to spare his time for me and i am very grateful to God for having him currently. tak pasti dia akan stay in my life or not, macam yg sebelum2 ni yang hanya pelangi petang. only Allh know how i am really want him to stay. even he is always with his muka ketat, no expression, but still full with advise and thoughtful words. always saying that he is the most complicated person among his circle, and no one could understand him. (well, uhurm..hello...! what the purpose of me by the way...).

"saya ada boleh bantu".
the words killing me since those words keep replay in my life, with different ways. orang yg cakap nk ada dengan kita tu just at the temporary momento, dan disappear with time. faded camtu je. as time goes by, kita yg terbiasa buat semua benda sorg2 ni akan mudah falling on lah kan once orang offer a hand..aku ni mudah cair sket.

aku tengah mengajar hati untuk take this as positive as i could, kuatkan hati. pelangi petang ni kalau Allah nk tarik tak sampai sekelip mata. tambah2 untuk yg fragile mcm ni. omg. let me prepare first.

obses nak kurus

last two months (oh God, arini dah masuk february!), ai find out that my weight dah lain mcm.
baju dah sendat tang bumper, trasa berat semacam.
aku rasa dah citer sblm ni.haha.
so kesah counting calories tu bergerak cantik sehingga last two weeks.
mmg nak g jjcm kat shah alam (jer) sesambil amik ciktee.
well, org kampung mmg suka jalan bandar.
org bandar plak beriya nk jalan kg, kan.
itulah kita, manusia. mencari kesempurnaan dalam dunia fana ni.

alaah, tak kemana pun, round2 mall.
makan2 sket.
tgk wayang sket; pastu tak paham citer apa yg kitorg tgk, tapi tgk jer sbb org blnja. tq buddy.
jalan2 sampai malam.
lebih adventure sket sbb duk hotel bajet.

makan2 kat sana tak plak aku masukkan dlm MyFitnessPal.
takut kecewa. so aku ikut flow je.
sblm balik aku g singgah IOI City Mall tu.
sesambil g makeup free kat Sephora, g jugak cari weightscale kat area2 situ.
and now sehari pat lima kali timbang kau.
timbang masa derma darah aritu 67kg.
sblm balik kg aritu 64 kg, pastu balik smlm timbang 62 kg.
eh, aku rasa boleh tahan nafsu mkn kat kg even 4 ari, pagi petang makan nasik.
mcm mustahil lah plak.
eleh, padahal gembira.
haha.

ok, my journey to 55kg proceed.
gigih aku g mncari peanut butter with no sugar. jumpa hokay.
pastu cari pulak Ahmad Green Tea. jumpa.
so skang,  smua bnda ada.
yg tak pasti ada ke tak is motivasi.
aku doakan aku konsisten.
tak bleh dah nk celebrate every victory dgn makan tak hingat.
aku kna tukar cara celebrating victory *tgh pk*

stkt ni yg konsisten is no sugar for drink water.
tapi kalo kat umah aku minum je sbb mak dah buat.
dan bila g umah org, takkan nak order air masak plak. ko igt kdai mamak?

so, next jjcm aku kna control portion.
harapnya kesah journeyto55 ni mencapai kejayaan.
sebelum raya nt. amiinnn..

nawaitu diet

last week, i went for a blood donation event, and gave some blood .
biasa la prosedur sebelum tu, kena check berat, makan, and ecetra2.
mcm nak menjerit after timbang berat badan.
dah sbb last week kenduri, mmg makan x brenti.
jadi naik kj arini, pasang niat diet sndiri-sendiri.

mmg rasa berat dah naik.
tapi buat tatau.
tapi sbb smlm sembap kaki mcm nak boosting, mmg have to do someting.
mmg tak mengamalkan gaya hidup sihat lately.
i eat what i want.
so akibatnya..
huhu.

ok, let we see how far this diet can go.
....

siblings

these people are those who share my childhood, together.

sesama kena marah time ngaji ngan ma.

gaduh2 berebut remote tv.

gaduh lambat siap nk kuar makan.

berebut bilik air.

berebut food "aku nak sayap!!".

"sapa pakai selipar aku buat main hujan??!"

"hoi, tolong buang sampah ni, kjap lg aku nk bakar sampah, tolong!"

bonceng beskal sesama gi skol.

penah share stage amik award ujian akhir tahun.

these all sweet enemies give me lots of moments.

to be who am i now.

thanks mom and abah, for raising us being orang yang berguna.

we are very blessed.

Thank God.

Alhamdulillah.

and yesterday, my not so lil bro, married.

and he, who always accompanied me once sesama blaja kat shah alam.

org kuar ngn bf, kita kuar lepak ngan adik.

he, also the one yg naik bas sesama g hostel since skol sblh sblh.

and the one who asked me to sign his report card sbb 

mls nk dgr abah bebel.

huhu.

so much memories we share.

hope Allah bless us all.

thank you for being with me for my thick and thin.

you all are like home to me.

a day

today i feel like i want to talk, to anyone, about anything.
know what, stress plak my staffs when i ajak borak, and she was like, layan je la, dah boss kan.
kekekehkeh.

maybe effect smlm layan citer me before you, and how to be single.
mmg giler sampai mata dah takleh buka, tapi nk tgk.

well, in live you might be have:-

- a day that you wantto talk all the time
- a day that you wantto curl on the bed while hang 'do not disturb' tag on door
- a day yang ko rasa sronok nk masak, google resepi bagai
- a day which you want to watch rom-com in the silent room and giggle

well, pompuan, normal lah kan.

well...


dah masuk disember weyh, cepat giler tahun ni rasanya.
tahun depan apa la akan jadi dengan aku ni.
huhu.

all the best, life.

Ootd Rabu

Time tudung elok.
Mood baek. Makeup kena. Hehe. 

delay

hi!

lately i hear many soseh2 about "hey, you keja cepat sangat lah, kitorg tak sempat nak catch-up" ...and "akak ni kot yang cepat"..."cepat sangat buatnya, jadi kitorg tak tau.."
well, i dont know lah plak making job done fast is a kind of fault to you people.
i actually dont like kerja bertangguh.
do not procrastinate, do job when tihe time come, and sort them with priority.
while you let satu , and yang lain datang and bertambah bertambah..
i dont like since banyak benda lagi perlu difikirkan.

kdg2 i keep thinking apa aku nak buat untuk mendelaykan kerja.
but my mind keep thinking "eh, aku kna buat itu lah..ini lah"
that bring distraction untuk fokus dalam hal2 yang sedang dalam perbuatan.
why people like to bertangguh..
yes, esok masih ade, but then, esok untuk esok, dan hari ini adalah untuk hari ini.
hmm, is it hard to understand?

slalunya kita yg membuatkan ia complex.
for me, ia mudah untuk difahami.

ke aku yg complex?

#whatever

mistakes

ans,
boleh tak buat keja jangan nak perfect sgt.
belambak je org kat luar tu buat keja cincai-cincai.
takde masa dah ni.
ko mmg takkan siap kalau nak belek satu2 helai ni.

makes mistakes, coz normal human does..

giftaway libraryclub

task aku this time is to rebranding the library club which named SKATER.

Studnt Knowledge and Technology Resource.

nama dah gemapk tapi takde keahlian, takde xtvt.

aku kemain nak tarik keahlian dengan bagi giftaway for 50 first registration.

bos bagi bajet RM 5 sorg, memang tak de la adiah rupe itu.

aku tawaf KAISON setia city few times before found this kind of thing.

aku rasa buleh buat sumting dengan benda ni.
stakat giftaway ok la.
takyah nak beria sangat,
bukan kuiz ke game .
they not even put effort in this registration.
RM 1.90 per pcs.
chalk dia pun RM 1.90.
xlebih rm 100.00 pon. ok la, nice and save.

malam tu aku test kat budak bdua tu.
and i thought it nice.
buh reben sket nt, tulis2 ngn chalk.

sbb jenis yg excited, smpai2 umah aku terus buat ok.
sbb nk kejar masa tido n tengok AF. hosmet sgt membantu.
alhamdulillah

smpai2 sini aku tulis2 je.
payah jugak tulisan tak berapa nk lawa ni.
huhu.

and now setel.
tggu diorg dtg redeem.
yey!
i am happy with this.

a song

THINKING OUT LOUD

When your legs don't work like they used to before

And I can't sweep you off of your feet

Will your mouth still remember the taste of my love?

Will your eyes still smile from your cheeks?

And, darling, I will be loving you 'til we're 70

And, baby, my heart could still fall as hard at 23

And I'm thinking 'bout how people fall in love in mysterious ways

Maybe just the touch of a hand

Well, me - I fall in love with you every single day

And I just wanna tell you I am

So honey now

Take me into your loving arms

Kiss me under the light of a thousand stars

Place your head on my beating heart

I'm thinking out loud

Maybe we found love right where we are

When my hair's all but gone and my memory fades

And the crowds don't remember my name

When my hands don't play the strings the same way (mmm...)

I know you will still love me the same

'Cause honey your soul could never grow old, it's evergreen

And, baby, your smile's forever in my mind and memory

I'm thinking 'bout how people fall in love in mysterious ways

Maybe it's all part of a plan

Well, I'll just keep on making the same mistakes

Hoping that you'll understand

That, baby, now

Take me into your loving arms

Kiss me under the light of a thousand stars

Place your head on my beating heart

Thinking out loud

Maybe we found love right where we are (oh ohh)

La la la la la la la la lo-ud

So, baby, now

Take me into your loving arms

Kiss me under the light of a thousand stars

Oh, darling, place your head on my beating heart

I'm thinking out loud

But maybe we found love right where we are

Oh, baby, we found love right where we are

And we found love right where we are

lagu lama, tapi takde la lama sgt.

ed sheeran nyanyi aku tak feel sgt.

syamel AF baru tu nyanyi terus masuk dalam hati.

my God, i want to dedicate this song to my future soul.

know what, i'l loving you till 70 and more.

*wah.

i will wait for
i promise you
i'll wait

pre-vacation #bff

i got too excited when the vacation dah dekat..
sampai aku terdemam dua ari, and cont with cerry berry hingga ke hari ini.
today i guess the illness might be reduced since semalam dah gi klinik. and i have google some treatments; go find isotonic drinks and bananas, and have minuman mempunyai bakteria baik untuk memberi kesihatan yang baik.
inshaAllah lah kan, semuanya akan baik.

last friday my bff has emailed us the tentative for the vacation.
lagi best kalo kita duk dekat2 and bleh buat preparation together.
baru laa nak selongkar closet seeking for tracksuit, g cari sport shoes bagai.
know what, suar track mmg pakai time2 g vacay je. nak arap bsukan tahun bila ntah.
i dun really like sport, but nature walk, of course i like.hehe.

even with the limited time, of course we try to make it precious.
nak bkumpul setahun sekali pon susah dah sekarang.
everyone with her own commitment.
and as day passes, people get married, and some has migrated to other place, except me who would always available in any way..hehe..

menyeronokkan..

mmg akan slalu ade yg lost the train,
so the admin manage to make a grup.
admin haruslah bekeng dan mempunyai karisma dlm
pengurusan rekod dan dokumentasi.
who is appointed to Durt.. hehe

actually aku excited2 ni, next week ade program library, but seems like smua org relax je.

aku xleh relax2 ni, x seronok.

kalut2 kan best, keja jalan, pastu when the time come, kita dah relax bleh pk what else we want to add on to make it nice.

know what, i got no rhythm yet in the "new" working envy.

stakat ni i just try to get into them.

i wish soon i get the seronok to work here which i am not found it yet.

kalo kat umah sewa of course very fun..hehe.

so, priority lebih ke rumah sewaku syurgaku..haha..over mak.

okies, continue excited till the day..

^___^

raya 2015

salam lebaran ke enam and i am at office now after drove about 5 to 6 hours yesterday..
penat tuhan saja yg tau smpai terlelap sambil duduk.. but then i din sleep well since jiran2 mcm takde, and myhosmet still in holiday mode.
and i did call one of them just now and no answer, i guess she cont. her holiday since dia alahan preggy awal2 ni..happy for her but ksian juga tengok..siksa pls.
omg, i am soo sleepy, last nite pkul 3 lbih kuang tidonya. and mimpi plak menyakitkan hati.
smlm sbb tgk lara croft, padahal just for a minute jer. impak, kuat kan..

raya tahun ni aku mmg homey2 je.. g jalan to only closed frens' house whom given births to their new children and sorg nak fly g Melbourne...umah kg plak air mmg slow giler which required us to basuh pinggan pakai air baldi kena angkut2 kinda thing. rasa mcm zaman batu plak. nak mandi kna ikut turn, gitu la kesahnya.

tahun ni tak g ziarah kubur. ya Allah, aku kirimkan doa untuk sanak saudara yang telah meninggalkan dunia ni. dan aku tahu aku akan menyusul. as mom said, "urusan dunia tak kan penah abes"..membuatkan aku terdiam sejenak.

here some pics from the raya yg sempat di snap even ade yg malu2 and malas nak senyum tapi bila dah amik gamab "eh, mana gamba yg ko amik tadi..."
huh..

sesambil design yg library aku buat skali aku punya.
poyo jerk..haha

famili pic yg x pernah cukup..
abah n amer arenot in the pic.

braders

her 1st raya, ainur marissa

also her first raya, zara aqeela

monopod batang cok cangkul..
haha, rare

lompatan raya

maksu and paksu

when a father took care of a daughter
bunga kepala pon senget2

bday sudey and jiran

mum with her kakak ipar

pakcuamad

kazen and anak kazen and su

bunga api pelengkap raya kanak2

kazenss..

kazenss again

adik firas..
seems like mcm aku plak yg baru bsalin dan ni bby aku..
sbb sdondon pink..
haha.over..

itu pic from nikon.

mls nak transfer pic dari phone.

but i hav put them on IG.

oh, i am sooo sleepy..huhu

menjelang lebaran di opis

tadi balik amik camera untuk shoot corner raya library (as pic kat bawah) untuk paparan yang lebih bergaya di hari raya. tapi bila ON tade baterry lah pulak. nak menunggu nya tu dalam sejam lagi kot so bosan giler. paperwork? ufghhh..mood tgh ke raya ni..org dah tak buat kj nak-nak raya ni baq ang..hehe..

this brings me to a thought:

after i review my days back, i want to greatly thanx Allah Alhamdulillah and i manage to muhasabah yang Allah sangat sayangkan aku things like that.. di hari aku duk pk who want to breaking fast with me on my bday, Allah hantar org yg out of sudden call "bila nak bbuka posa sama". myGod i feel like very lucky since tak perlu mengadap meja makan sorang2 and meratap nasib..haha..over.

and these days my hosmets yang dua dah mmg slamat cuti raya, and the one yang early preggy who dah sminggu ulang alik dari umah mak dia ttiba nak stay in our home these days before raya..and i was like ohmyGod, i am happy buddy to have you in here..Allah tak bagi sedih2 bulan posa ni..Allah suh beramal tanpa pk anasir2 yg boleh membuatkan sedih tak tentu pasai..

but then, aku ni duk sorg pon meriah..hehe..

ni sbb ttiba nk balik ni ape pon x packing. baru je g amik krepek umah abang dia suh bawak balik sbb keta dia tak muat ngn anak2 mak mertua and barang2 raya..

and i asked his wife to pass to me sorang anak dia to accompany me balik kampung..

and she just like, ok, tgk dulu tanya abang.

he-he.. *winking..

tapi kna tggu dia balik skol sbb dia skolah petang.

oh, counting His blesses make me sense this live dengan baik, thinking good things, feel positive vibes, and appreciate the living dgn benda-benda yang positive..Alhamdulillah.. I try my best to be a good servant to You then. InshaAllah.

*pejam mata tangan kat hati, feeling the heartbeat with Allahuakbar kind a thing..

_____________________________________________

_____________________________________________

(ni citer aku tulis sebelum aku tulis citer di atas..share-share column. boleh kan..hehe)

few weeks ago my bos asked the pegawai-s in the office to give the idea for raya deco.

i din know how others but when she asked me, i gave lah my idea yg telah di google.

then after my proposal she just "i tak nampak ape yg you nak buat ni".

aku actually rasa down but then the team said we can do it lah cik as.

then they worked out. and i just make it happened lah.

then tadaaaa, this is our raya corner.

asalnya nak tambah photo booth area tu dengan frame IG and the stuffs, but then dipatah lagi "you are just allowed to have the corner for two to three weeks before renovation work on that part".

urgggffhh.

oke lah, ini pon da cukup best effort dah from the team aku rasa.

thanks guys..

a week preparation, nah, inilah hasilnya.

aritu ade photo shoot opis. and these my fav shots.

mulanya nak balik kg 2days before raya. tapi mcm krikk krikk je kat rumah sorg2.

skang ade cikma the hosmet till esok.esok she would be home..and sanggupkah bbuka dan bsahur sorg di hujung ramadhan. sedih tang ramadhan nk pergi tu satu hal, tang sayu lebaran tu satu hal.

so then i manage to add one more day to my holiday raya...yee ha!!

and my sis texted me, "balik la, bleh g shopping".

owh, lagi laa excited.

oke done, mlm ni kita kemas2..

yey balik kampung!

#31 pada 21 Ramadhan 1436H

happy bday to me.

omg i am 31 tday..

tak pcaya pls..

tapi harus bpijak di bumi nyata and trying to accept the fate naturally.

semua mendoakan jodoh.

semua mendoakan kebaikan.

semoga Allah memperkenankan doa-doa itu.

terima kasih ma kerana lahirkan orang,

terima kasih abah juge.

terima kasih arwah nenek tolong besarkan org.

terima kasih famili and frens.

terima kasih cikgu2 lecturer2 yg mendidik saya.

terima kasih rakan sekerja juge.

eh, terima kasih kat semua lah.

hehe.

lama jugak nk dcide nak pakai ke tak.
jubah je kot..huhu..
actually this is my 2nd jubah.
eh, i am not hipokrit oke.
ttiba.
bnda yg x slalu buat, dia jadi kekok la.huhu

tenkiu to opismates yg bagi present in advanced 2 hari lepas.
jimat bekal kitkat smggu..
hehe.

i have a lot to say, tapi biarlah ia tersemat di dalam hati nurani ini.

selamat menjalani hari-hari mendatang ye aney.

know what, umur makin singkat, Allah suh beribadat.

semoga lebih beriman dan bertaqwa di masa-masa akan datang.

inshaAllah.

mimpi

semalam aku mimpi.
mimpi mak paksa kawen sampai aku hentak2 kaki tanak kawen sbb aku tak knal sapa dan apa kerja dia dan baikkah beliau.
gulp..ketakutan itu membawa kepada kejutan alarm sahur.
huh..takut rupanya kawen ngn org yg tak knal.
maka aku balik nt nk tarik balik suh mak aku carikan jodoh.
biarlah it comes by nature.
seram sejuk plak aku.

takut pls!

bajet

baiki oren yg ttiba bergegar tadi RM389.02..
homaigod.
tapi aku nk positifkan dgn "nyawa.oren dah bawak jln jauh, so better prepare for its good, and also reflect your own sake"..
kensel nak beli kuih raya, tahun ni makan je apa ade.

mggu dpn nk shopping baju raya org umah...eh, org2 di rumah..
limited dah la, baju je.. kasut raya sndiri taja pls.

oh..

sedehhh!

ramadhan.final 3rd sem.

alkesah exam di bulan ramadhan.

Study geng with 'beauty of the day'..hhe
Paper haritu pukul 9 satu pukul 2 satu.
yang pkul 9 aku jawab je ikut kebijaksanasinian..sbb dah tepu tatau nak baca ape.
paper petang 2 jam 4 soalan. 2 soalan nampak mcm proper, 2 soalan lagi lintang pukang.
mgkin DrZu nak marking pon tatau cane..huhu
hope for good grade..

pkara wajib diorg ni last class and last paper harus amik gamba skeping dua.
smua mcm happy giler sbb lepas beban.
gaya bebas is buat peace je yg aku tau.
nk melebih2 tak reti.

shopping theraphy at Lagendas SACC mall.
aku tak de intention nk shopping.
so aku window je.
kak ja of coz smua kdai ade je dia beli.
tapi seriyes kdai ni bes.

oh mai God...
best giler bazar ramadhon sblh pkns.
mengimbau kenangan lama betul.
tapi dulu takde The Pisang Cheese.hehe

maka aku pon pulang dengan kegembiraan walaupun org injured.
i will make sure everything ok ptg ni deh.
huhu.

ramadhan 2015

Salam romadhon..

and this ramadhan is lain hanya dari segi aku kena mengadap lectrure notes and google note sikit2 untuk definitions abd clarifications.
apelah agaknya rasa diorang yang masih duk writing report time2 gini..
actually i struggle before this hanya untuk menikmati the calm ending mcm aku rasa sekarang ni.
tak rugi bersusah susah dahulu, kendian buleh rasa tenang study untuk tenang ngadap final test sabtu ni..
esok, ye esok, aku kembali bermusafir.
beza jugak musafirnya kerana ia dibulan ramadhan.
aku tahu Allah ada..
and He would bless me all my ways.
my sissy dah inform, pepandai lah mung bbuka kat mana-mana since school dia mmg balik mcm biasa 730 petang.
kehidupan. aku malas nak ngubah rutin orang.
kalau dia rasa nak mengubahnya demi aku, alhamdulillah.

2 paper lusa ni ..giler tak cemas.
semalam terawikh sorg2 tanpa witir.
semalam dinner besor, sbb makan ketam which is the most horrible allergic food in my life, so aku kna makan ubat. ubat tu kasik mengantuk. makanya study ntah ke mana.
terawikh sambil perut kenyang dia jadi mgantuk.

alasan kan..


ok lah. aku harap weekend ni aku bleh buat.
dengan tenang.

inshaAllah.

aminn..

spirit

alhamdulillah, today dah masuk Jun 2015..
i would end my 3rd semester this month.
also bulan june jugak is anniversary ngn UiTM, 2 June.
and bln ni puasa.

and kita celebrate these victories hujung minggu ni.
but i dunno my redflag allows me to enjoy that or not.
tapi rasa mc ok, inshaAllah.

all out semalam, so arini proses nak buat citation, susn2..malam ni dah bleh draft slide.
achieve my target.
nk kursus bagai smua.
and suddenly audit la plak kan.

mewujudkan sesuatu yang tiada is not good i think.
tu laa, org suh obey the rule tanak.
now i am digging all the doc, and manage things to prepare answer.
know what, thanks my exbos for the experiences in quality mgt.
i dun feel the spirit here lah exbos.
i just walk into it even how hard.

i wish Allah to not stoping giving me blesses as He always does.
i only have Allah that faith on me.
kdg2 aku lupa, tapi thanks for the hidayah to bring me on the ground again.
huhu..maaf Allah, kadang2 aku ini tersasar.

oke, ignore the negative people, crappy things, focus...